I have been diagnosed with prostate cancer. At my family physician the last two PSA readings showed a modest increase in signal level. Sent to the urologist. Biopsy done and results showed malignancy.
There have been subsequently a bevy of tests and I am still waiting for a CAT scan. Stategies for resolution of the problem will follow with Dr. Blair Egerdie.
Just about a month now I have been wearing a catheter and bag...and hobbling. On indefinite layoff from my factory job. Employment Insurance Disability arrangements pending.
But the items of good news are many. Financial help. Love and support from family, friends, workmates and members of my new church. I have also tried to occupy as much as possible in a low-key way. Drives in the country with Hilary. Phone chats with my kids Lauren and Jordan and my brother Scott. Publishing in hard copy with much delight several of my ebooks. Reading and reading (Nouwen, Tozer, Lucado, Chambers, Scripture, Longfellow, Angelou, Service, Anne Cleeves and Wilbur Smith).
There is some humiliation in all kinds of medical staffers dealing with the "plumbing". Also several bouts of pain and blockage necessitating night trips to Hospital Emergency. But bottom-line, no big complaints or worries.
Worries? This is cancer Doug! Ah but I have seen many people overcome, including my father-in-law Hourd and my grandmother Blair and my friends Paul and Sam.
And so I find myself flat down. Uncertain. Vulnerable. Weeping occasionally over the inscrutable. But gloriously sensing the comfort, attention and marvelous hands-on of Jesus. Also a new larger than life understanding of Trinity and agape love (John chapter 17).
Prayer still needs help, but hey I'm already on my back looking up...
some of my thoughts from almost 6 years ago. HHHMMM.
Saturday, September 24, 2011
I can waste a body I can shatter dreams I can raise my threat Through a thousand schemes. I can rob a home I can stunt a life I can tear the bond Of a man and wife. I can pull the blind Down on hope or joy And the neighbours'talk I will oft' employ. I am given more Than my powers are due I just feed on fear And the schemes come true. I am named with awe In the Hall of Waste I have Slewfoot's praise Seen him face to face. I have often heard When their end is nigh How they doubt their God How they curse the sky. But it troubles me That a few gain power As they choose to smile In my meanest hour. As they give loud thanks For a life to date And they lean on Christ For tomorrow's fate.
Used to do lots more of this
Seeds of a message heard
Some sort of Heaven's kiss
And I would wake
And rub my eyes
And find where thoughts might take
A messenger and little more
And that was all the thrill
In what He had in store
Scrounging for likely reader hits
A vain sad garden path
Oft perused in starts and fits.
The numbers seemed to mystify
Most bloggers typed to score
But bottom line, not I
A few got back perhaps a note
On things I wrote
But that became much less the goal
A worship rare
In one quenched soul
And heard God did with joy
His whispers blessed
This odd newsboy.
Now thanks arise for sure
In yet more verse
In me a hard days' cure.
Oh but you have been in church service all your life and Mom and Dad before you.
John the Baptist preceded Jesus crying out Repent. Jesus arrived and reiterated John and added Believe the Gospel. What had changed? The arrival of the Man. His convicting presence and messages. His gracious daily walk and service. People knew that there was now a radical turn in the road...and more than likely despondency in the status quo.
And that is where you are. Stuck in false hopes in an organization or traditions or a warming family circle.
The process is called repentance unto life...or simply coming to Christ with empty hands. A simple personal duty and transaction. Please. Thank you. Praise you. Please equip me daily with Yourself Lord Jesus.
Note: We have little idea how many young people are stuck on this destructive, desensitizing, hopeless treadmill. No honest exchange. No real friendships. No workable skills. No sense of purpose. No hope of Heaven. And we think we are showing love by buying their approval with more of the same.